the white buffalo

'Hi Jessica:

Congratulations on being selected for the Rotary Youth Exchange year. You are about to start on an incredible experience which will change your life.

Your application has gone to the Netherlands. I cannot guarantee 100% that you will be accepted by the host district until the Guarantee forms are returned to me. However it is very rare for an application to be refused. The exact location of the host club will not be known until the guarantee forms are returned.

I suggest you start working on the Dutch language and research the country customs. It is wise to go with as much knowledge of your host country as possible.'

i held him in my arms at night and saw parts of his soul turn to ash. then i saw him reborn, with a stone in place of his heart

for sandy 1945 - 1998

1.
You came to me this morning
And you handled me like meat
You'd have to be a man to know
How good that felt how sweet
My mirror twin my next of kin
I'd know you in my sleep
And who but you would take me in
A thousand kisses deep

I loved you when you opened
Like a lily to the heat
I'm just another snowman
Standing in the rain and sleet
Who loved you with his frozen love
His second-hand physique
With all he is and all he was
A thousand kisses deep

I know you had to lie to me
I know you had to cheat
To pose all hot and high behind
The veils of sheer deceit
Out perfect porn aristocrat
So elegant and cheap
I'm old but I'm still into that
A thousand kisses deep

And I'm still working with the wine
Still dancing cheek to cheek
The band is playing Auld Lang Syne
The heart will not retreat
I ran with Diz and Dante
I never had their sweep
But once or twice they let me play
A thousand kisses deep

The autumn slipped across your skin
Got something in my eye
A light that doesn't need to live
And doesn't need to die
A riddle in the book of love
Obscure and obsolete
Till witnessed here in time and blood
A thousand kisses deep

I'm good at love I'm good at hate
It's in between I freeze
Been working out but it's too late
It's been too late for years
But you look fine you really do
The pride of Boogie Street
Somebody must have died for you
A thousand kisses deep

I loved you when you opened
Like a lily in the heat
I'm just another snowman
Standing in the rain and sleet
But you don't need to hear me now
And every word i speak
It count against me anyhow
A thousand kisses deep

2.
The ponies run the girls are young
The odds are there to beat
You win a while and then it's done
Your little winning streak
And summoned now to deal
With you invincible defeat
You live you life as if it's real
A thousand kisses deep

I'm tuning tricks I'm getting fixed
I'm back on Boogie Street
You loose your grip and then you slip
Into the Masterpiece
And maybe i had miles to drive
And promises to keep
You ditch it all to stay alive
A thousand kisses deep

Confined to sex we press against
The limits of the sea
I saw there were no oceans left
For scavengers like me
I made it to the forward deck
I blessed our remnant fleet
And then consented to be wrecked
A thousand kisses deep

I'm turning tricks, I'm getting fixed
I'm back on Boogie Street
I guess they won't exchange the gifts
That you were meant to keep
And sometimes when the night is slow
The wretched and the meek
We gather up our hearts and go
A thousand kisses deep

And fragrant is the thought of you
The file you complete
Except what we forgot to do
A thousand kisses deep

the poinsonwood bible

this is why, little beast. i'd lost my wings. don't ask me how i gained them back - the story is too unbearable. i trusted too long in false reassurances, believing as we all want to do when men speak of the national interest, that it's also ours.

serious delirious imperious weary us delirious ways

oh, it's a fine and useless enterprise, trying to fix destiny. that trail leads straight back to the time before we ever lived, and in to that deep well it's east to cast curses like stones on our ancestors. but that's nothing more than cursing ourselves and all that made us.

heart leaking something so strong they can smell it in the street

leaving is not enough; you must
stay gone. train your heart
like a dog. change the locks
even on the house he’s never
visited. you lucky, lucky girl.
you have an apartment
just your size. a bathtub
full of tea. a heart the size
of Arizona, but not nearly
so arid. don’t wish away
your cracked past, your
crooked toes, your problems
are pauper mache puppets
you made or bought because the vendor
at the market was so compelling you just
had to have them. you had to have him.
and you did. and now you pull down
the bridge between your houses,
you make him call before
he visits, you take a lover
for granted, you take
a lover who looks at you
like maybe you are magic. make
the first bottle you consume
in this place a relic. place it
on whatever altar you fashion
with a knife and five cranberries.
don’t lose too much weight.
stupid girls are always trying
to disappear as revenge. and you
are not stupid. you loved a man
with more hands than a parade
of beggars, and here you stand. heart
like a four-poster bed. heart like a canvas.
heart leaking something so strong
they can smell it in the street.

one last sundown

Scene: The previously mentioned 'eagerly in 'like', falling slowly but fully involved' teenagers are faced with a conundrum. They are aware of the connection and the joy that each other brings; yet the schoolyard chums are not making it pleasurable. 'Are these really friends', she asks herself, 'how can this be fixed', he asks himself. All the emotion are swirling, both bodies want to be close but that will only harm the outcome. On opposite sides of the room; the male on his stomach, legs crossed at the ankles, thinking while maintaining alpha composure, the female on her back, legs outstretched with one arm resting on the opposite side of her collarbone. Different thoughts and different things they need to accomplish within themselves. All hard thoughts set aside, they are very good together and more so then that, they both know it.

The saga continues.

Goodnight time comes and the female is left with her absolute favourite two words. She reads then and cries for the third night in row; this time for a very different reason and in a very different way. Finally the young females mind is put at ease for a much needed rest. Fourteen hours in one night, that was more then her whole school weeks nights combined. The first night she wasn't scared for the future and didn't puke from the stress of it all. And she owes it all to two simple words from one person.

thoughts of us kept keeping me awake

'He hit me and it felt like a kiss. He hit me but it didn't hurt me. He couldn't stand to hear me say that I'd been with someone new, and when I told him I had been untrue he hit me and if felt like a kiss. He hit me and I knew he loved me. If he didnt care for me, I could have never made him mad but he hit me and I was glad. He hit me and it felt like a kiss. He hit me and I knew I loved him. And then he took me in his arms with all the tenderness there is. And then he kissed me, he made me his'